wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
