Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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