You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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