We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He better not be in your backpack
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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