so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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