I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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