woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
