Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
