question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
