I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
