dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
