he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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