You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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