No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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