so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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