i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
