Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
