Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she pinky promised me she was 18
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
