I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
