If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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