girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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