I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
