My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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