just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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