What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
