My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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