Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
