is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
