He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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