Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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