I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
