He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
