He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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