No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
