make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize