There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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