he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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