BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
