It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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