just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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