People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
