he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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