Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
