You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
