I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
