is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
