i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.