grandma shit on top of the toilet
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I smell like bad decisions