i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.