Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing

  (719): View more from Colorado

  The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner

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  (303): Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing (719): The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors? (303 ): Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner http://tfl.nu/juf5
  Replies (13) Good night (2667) Bad night (838)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?

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  (901): why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it? http://tfl.nu/zj16
  Replies (16) Good night (2277) Bad night (2302)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.

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  (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said. http://tfl.nu/hb96
  Replies (58) Good night (7084) Bad night (904)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i never told you how having a club foot got me laid

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  (815): i never told you how having a club foot got me laid http://tfl.nu/v7bk
  Replies (10) Good night (4074) Bad night (975)
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  (310): View more from California

  i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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  (310): i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito. http://tfl.nu/9mvh
  Replies (15) Good night (4671) Bad night (1144)
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  (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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  (310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh
  Replies (31) Good night (1501) Bad night (12157)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.

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  (315): The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/v27u
  Replies (3) Good night (2906) Bad night (955)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you

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  (503): He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you http://tfl.nu/gy7n
  Replies (11) Good night (1266) Bad night (2978)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit

  (646): View more from New York

  The facepaint not the blacking out

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  (646): Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit (646): The facepaint not the blacking out http://tfl.nu/pnw5
  Replies (6) Good night (3111) Bad night (864)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

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  (503): He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis. http://tfl.nu/tjtk
  Replies (4) Good night (1339) Bad night (1973)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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  (432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl
  Replies (20) Good night (4664) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!

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  (616): I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS! http://tfl.nu/eric
  Replies (4) Good night (1746) Bad night (547)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.

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  (770): You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of. http://tfl.nu/9xxo
  Replies (3) Good night (622) Bad night (400)
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  (315): View more from New York

  EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS

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  (315): EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS http://tfl.nu/jrog
  Replies (3) Good night (373) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.

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  (906): She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it. http://tfl.nu/2rns
  Replies (4) Good night (368) Bad night (790)

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