I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
