got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
