when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
