ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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