wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
