Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
