I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
