life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
