She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
