i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
