is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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