So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
