ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
