if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
