i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
