R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
