hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You have to summon your inner elephant
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
