this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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