she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
