In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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