And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
