i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
