I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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