Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The best revenge is premature balding
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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